Wednesday, February 1, 2017
THE GURFY JOURNAL!!
BUY MY FREAKING BOOK RIGHT NOW YOU FREAKS!
A collection of my personal journal entries:
http://www.lulu.com/shop/gurf-gurston/the-gurfy-journal/paperback/product-23051103.html
Monday, March 16, 2015
The Gurf Gurston Interview
THE GURF GURSTON INTERVIEW
My name is Ricky Reporterson. I am a real reporter, and I am not Gurf Gurston pretending to be a reporter to seem more professional. I work for an important magazine. Gurf Gurston is one of the most famous and important internet personalities on the internet. But not a lot is know about him and his story. This interview will clear that up!
I talked with Gurf over the phone, as he is currently "on vacation" in San Diego, CA, miles from his home on the east coast. He was extremely irritable and distracted, but gave some very revealing answers to my reporter questions.
So Gurf, how are things going in San Diego? Why are you out there?
That's really none of your business. I went to Virginia a month ago, and some stuff happened, and now I'm in San Diego. I'll be home in a week. That's all I'm gonna....YOU KNOW WHAT? QUIT BEING A NOSY NANCY, OKAY?
Whoa, calm down! So tell me how you got started making internet videos?
I was hired by these guys who were starting a youtube channel: Nightshift Supreme TV. They were mostly promoting their band of the same name. They were posting a lot of their music and they wanted someone to make some funny videos for them. Originally, they hired my cousin MC Gee Gee. But MC Gee Gee is a buffoon and makes a lot of stupid poop jokes. And they were getting tired of it.
So how did you end up getting involved?
Maybe if you would let me finish...you are a really terrible interviewer. ANYWAY I was doing a lot of street performing at the time. I was screaming about the government and stuff on street corners and sometimes people would give me money. MC Gee Gee told them about me and they hired me on the spot to make videos for their channel. And now I've kind of taken over.
So where did you come up with the outfit? The fake beard and everything?
ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT MY BEARD ISN'T REAL? I oughta jackslam you! JACKSLAM YOU INTO A TABLE! My beard is real, and the ladies like to run their hands through it.
Speaking of ladies, what's going on with you and your ex wife Linda?
Oh, that's a whole other level of life's table of buffoonery. I'd rather save that stuff for my videos. She broke my heart. She broke it into a thousand little fibers.
What do you have to say about people who don't like your videos? I showed some of them to my girlfriend and she immediately made me erase my browsing history because she hated them so much.
Yo, your girlfriend has no taste, which is probably why she's dating you. OOOOOOHH! You didn't think Gurf had the funny, huh? No, seriously, tell your girlfriend to keep her trap shut. If someone doesn't think my videos are funny, then I just say it wasn't meant to be funny. I just lie. It's a defense mechanism. I lie about so much stuff it's not even funny.
Tell us about your room mate, Mike. He seems to always be behind the camera, interrupting you.
Yea, Mike is a jackass, basically. A real buffoon. A total nirgin (that's a word I made up that combines the terms nerd and virgin). He's from New Hampshire but he has a southern accent for some reason, which makes me even more pissed off at him. He does some of the special effects in my videos, cause he's a stupid computer nerd that thinks its okay to know how to do that. Screw him, I don't wanna talk about him anymore.
So tell us what is in store for the future of Gurf Gurston.
Aw, man, finally! A decent question. Where did you go to school for reporting? BUTT SCHOOL? (As Gurf says this, loudly, the sounds of crickets can be heard, which is strange because I am inside. He continues.). I have so many things coming up. First of all, I have a new DSLR camera, and the new videos we will be making are gonna look much better. And we will be spending more time making them, so the quality of the videos will be that much greater. I have a couple new videos storyboarded out in my notebook. I am also thinking of making a country album. AND I will be making a financial help book called "Gurf's Guide To Successfulls". It will make anyone into a billionare EVEN IF YOU'RE A VIRGIN! I just need to get the hell out of San Diego and get back to work. There are big things coming up. THIS WILL BE THE YEAR THAT EVERYONE GETS GURFED!
Is that a good thing?
Shut up, you jackanape.
At this point, Gurf hangs up. And I am relieved. His voice was grating and he is extremely arrogant and delusional. I hope to never speak to him again.
AUTHORS NOTE: An hour after conducting this interview, Gurf called me back, stating that I had embellished parts of this article, and also that I had taken things he had said out of context. I countered that the interview had not even been published yet, he had no way of reading it, and that his allegations had no merit. He started screaming and yelling gibberish, and then muttered something about taking the recyclables out. I have not heard from him since.
So Gurf, how are things going in San Diego? Why are you out there?
That's really none of your business. I went to Virginia a month ago, and some stuff happened, and now I'm in San Diego. I'll be home in a week. That's all I'm gonna....YOU KNOW WHAT? QUIT BEING A NOSY NANCY, OKAY?
Whoa, calm down! So tell me how you got started making internet videos?
I was hired by these guys who were starting a youtube channel: Nightshift Supreme TV. They were mostly promoting their band of the same name. They were posting a lot of their music and they wanted someone to make some funny videos for them. Originally, they hired my cousin MC Gee Gee. But MC Gee Gee is a buffoon and makes a lot of stupid poop jokes. And they were getting tired of it.
So how did you end up getting involved?
Maybe if you would let me finish...you are a really terrible interviewer. ANYWAY I was doing a lot of street performing at the time. I was screaming about the government and stuff on street corners and sometimes people would give me money. MC Gee Gee told them about me and they hired me on the spot to make videos for their channel. And now I've kind of taken over.
So where did you come up with the outfit? The fake beard and everything?
ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT MY BEARD ISN'T REAL? I oughta jackslam you! JACKSLAM YOU INTO A TABLE! My beard is real, and the ladies like to run their hands through it.
Speaking of ladies, what's going on with you and your ex wife Linda?
Oh, that's a whole other level of life's table of buffoonery. I'd rather save that stuff for my videos. She broke my heart. She broke it into a thousand little fibers.
What do you have to say about people who don't like your videos? I showed some of them to my girlfriend and she immediately made me erase my browsing history because she hated them so much.
Yo, your girlfriend has no taste, which is probably why she's dating you. OOOOOOHH! You didn't think Gurf had the funny, huh? No, seriously, tell your girlfriend to keep her trap shut. If someone doesn't think my videos are funny, then I just say it wasn't meant to be funny. I just lie. It's a defense mechanism. I lie about so much stuff it's not even funny.
Tell us about your room mate, Mike. He seems to always be behind the camera, interrupting you.
Yea, Mike is a jackass, basically. A real buffoon. A total nirgin (that's a word I made up that combines the terms nerd and virgin). He's from New Hampshire but he has a southern accent for some reason, which makes me even more pissed off at him. He does some of the special effects in my videos, cause he's a stupid computer nerd that thinks its okay to know how to do that. Screw him, I don't wanna talk about him anymore.
So tell us what is in store for the future of Gurf Gurston.
Aw, man, finally! A decent question. Where did you go to school for reporting? BUTT SCHOOL? (As Gurf says this, loudly, the sounds of crickets can be heard, which is strange because I am inside. He continues.). I have so many things coming up. First of all, I have a new DSLR camera, and the new videos we will be making are gonna look much better. And we will be spending more time making them, so the quality of the videos will be that much greater. I have a couple new videos storyboarded out in my notebook. I am also thinking of making a country album. AND I will be making a financial help book called "Gurf's Guide To Successfulls". It will make anyone into a billionare EVEN IF YOU'RE A VIRGIN! I just need to get the hell out of San Diego and get back to work. There are big things coming up. THIS WILL BE THE YEAR THAT EVERYONE GETS GURFED!
Is that a good thing?
Shut up, you jackanape.
At this point, Gurf hangs up. And I am relieved. His voice was grating and he is extremely arrogant and delusional. I hope to never speak to him again.
AUTHORS NOTE: An hour after conducting this interview, Gurf called me back, stating that I had embellished parts of this article, and also that I had taken things he had said out of context. I countered that the interview had not even been published yet, he had no way of reading it, and that his allegations had no merit. He started screaming and yelling gibberish, and then muttered something about taking the recyclables out. I have not heard from him since.
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